When The Things I Want Don't Want Me...
There's a quote that says, "If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans." That's become like a tagline for my life. I'm a PLANNER to the T. My close friends know this about me. I write everything down, I research, I make itineraries, and I set deadlines, yet very little of what I plan goes accordingly! As you could imagine, this is terribly frustrating for me. My intentions are the purest, I do everything with integrity, and I'm a pretty sharp crayon, so why can't things flow seamlessly for me? The lesson that I'll continually and actively learn is that God simply will not allow me to have what's not for me! There are things, relationships, and experiences that I desire, and they are just not destined to be MINE at this moment in time and I have to be okay with that. I've learned a few lessons about wanting things that don't want me.
1. God Is Protecting Me
In this season of life, I've gained a great deal of patience. Like most, I'm a product of this microwave society, so any minor inconvenience takes a toll on my attitude, but I've learned to overcome that. I'm very confident in the fact that a long line at the grocery store could be saving me from a car accident down the street! I tell ladies all the time, "Honey, that break up was a blessing because you'd rather be single, than married to a fool!" To share on a personal level, I suffered from job loss this summer, due to the pandemic. I found peace in knowing that my time was up on that job, and when the time is right, I will find something better! God has proven time and time again, that when He removes something from my life, He replaces it with an upgrade. I'm realizing more and more that some of our "road blocks" were sent to save us! I'm a firm believer that it's better to have a long waiting season rather than dealing with the fallout of misalignment. I trust God's timing for my life.
2. God Is Building Me
There are times when life doesn't go according to plan simply because we are just not ready for it yet. 20 year-old-me thought that by age 27, I'd be married and planning for a baby, and 27 year-old-me can honestly say that I'm nowhere near prepared for that right now, and truthfully, current me doesn't even want that right now. And that's okay! God had to show me who I really am and identify what I needed to polish. Now, that I'm doing the proper work on that, my desires are very different than Raven from years' past. It's better this way. I only want what I have the capacity and ability to sustain. I'd be so ashamed if God gave me all my heart's desires and I blew it because I was immature or unknowledgeable.
3. God Is Purifying Me
When we dive deeper into prayer, we often begin to ask God for things that sound good, but we forget that we'll most likely have to put some work behind those prayers. If we pray for patience, God puts us in situations that TEST OUR PATIENCE… this, in turn, builds more patience within us. Your heart is a muscle! God knows that, so He puts your heart in the weight room! He makes you build it! So, when my prayer is, "God, purify my heart and align my desires with your will," I have to expect the fire to follow! It's literal science. Impurities are burned out with fire and the substance left behind is refined. Visualizing the outcome of what overcoming the fire looks like is so exciting to me! But the intimacy I've built with God while in it, that's the real prize.
"God, why must you always humble me?" A question I've uttered numerous times. I think it's a testament to who I'll become. God wants to fill my heart with humility, and He won't let me forget. He wants me to remember what it's like to start from the bottom, to be the little guy, to go without, to be unpolished…so when I become great (and I will!) I'll never steal His glory. I'll have no other option but to say, "Honey, it was nobody but God who brought me through!" And moreover, He wants to use me to build up others like me. He reminds me to treat everyone well and give others grace because I've been them before.
I still love organization, and I do write things down and try to communicate thoughts and tasks very effectively, but I'm learning to take plans with a grain of salt. Though goals are essential, obedience and purpose are far more vital to me. I have to find gratitude in every moment! I have to create joy from the smallest of things! I have to be a catalyst for love and kindness! At the end of the day, that's what I was made for! Nobody's calendar can change that!
Remember, be happy, be kind!
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