Girl, Date Yourself!

In the former days, society was built for men to rule. Women had to entrust their entire livelihoods to their husbands. They couldn't conduct their own businesses or manage their own finances, and although we're far removed from these practices, we've managed to cling to some derivatives of those standards. Still, women are thought to NEED a husband for security, stability, and even as a symbol that they are worthy of love. Our society treats singleness like a handicap or a punishment. Assumptions are made about those who remain single for an extended period of time: They must be crazy? They must be mean? They must be controlling? I've heard it all! It's high time that we change our perception of singleness!

Singleness Is Essential

Let me reiterate, a season of singleness ISN'T a punishment! It's an assignment! The task? YOU! Finding yourself is the primary objective. I wholeheartedly believe that a person needs to be whole within themselves in order to enjoy any facet of life! What do I mean by "whole"? I mean that you should feel complete! You're self-aware! You're capable of acknowledging your flaws, committing to work on them, and extending yourself grace for them. You can spend quality time, alone. You aren't totally dependent on others to feel good about yourself. You're looking to improve, but you're content. It can be difficult to reach this point, and due to this life's complexity, it's even more difficult to maintain a state of wholeness...and that's major part of life altogether; just striving to remain whole! This process of self-actualization can only begin with singleness. If you try to commit your life to someone else before YOU even know who you are, you're most likely going to attach yourself to the wrong person because you don't know who fits the TRUE you! You also can't teach a anyone how to love and appreciate you if YOU don't know how to love and appreciate you! See the pattern here? The takeaway...in the words of Michael Todd, "Singleness is the prerequisite for relationship!"

Dating Myself

I've been in my single season for a while, and admittedly, it has its ups and downs. But I can truly say that I am so grateful for the growth I've experienced during this journey. Last week, I actually took myself on a dinner date. I'm used to spending quality time alone at home. I frequently go shop, get coffee or grab food for myself, so this wasn't exactly new; however, it was different because I didn't allow distractions. I'm usually on a mission to get in & out, or I take my computer, a book or some project to whatever establishment I might go to by myself. This time, I really just sat down in a restaurant to have dinner by myself...I even limited my time on my phone. While I ate, I felt my subconscious inadvertently begin to ask questions: "Do you like yourself?" "Are you enjoying you?" "Would you come on a second date with you?" My brain didn't process this until I got home. Suddenly, as I showered, I felt myself say, "The answer is yes!" To all of those questions, the answer is yes!

Y'all, there I am, my crazy, emotional self was now crying in the shower! It was beautiful! It was freeing! For a long time. I couldn't put my finger on it, but for some reason...I knew that I didn't quite like myself. I didn't quite love myself. That perplexed me, and it hurt! I didn't hate myself, and I didn't have low self esteem, but I'd been bruised. My exes didn't like me; relatives didn't like me; old friends didn't like me, so I internalized that. So what healed me? Singleness. It taught me that other people's opinion of me is none of my business. I can be whole anyway! Everyday, I learn something new about myself or at minimum, I'm granted the opportunity to put my life's lessons into practice. I'm constantly working on myself and learning to show myself more grace. Furthermore, I'm learning that creating the best version of myself shouldn't be based completely on selfish motivations. I should want to be a pleasant person for the people in my life. I want to be proud of myself, but I also want to please God, make my family proud, be a great friend, and I even want to be a blessing to strangers when I can. Being whole is good for me, others, and my future husband! (Yes, I have faith that he's going to find me and I have no doubt that he is amazing! ... AND he fine!)

Date Yourself

I advise every single person to BE SINGLE! Don't spend all your time looking for a significant other! Don't obsess over your DMs! Don't fixate on always having your face in the place because you wanna be seen and you tryna get chose! No...BE SINGLE! Prioritize your mental health. Ask yourself hard questions about your past, and determine what you need to heal. Go to therapy. Build better relationships with your friends and family. Decide what makes you happy and try to work on that in the present! Maybe you dream of traveling, book a short trip! Wanna try a new hobby, book a lesson or get on youtube to learn about it! Set some goals for the future and begin formulating a plan to make them happen! You should literally be striving to become the person that you want to spend your life with. Because guess what...YOU DO HAVE TO SPEND YOUR LIFE WITH YOU! Date yourself! Heal! Grow! Change! Be happy! Be kind! Stay beautiful!